Everybody talks about the Law of Attraction. But it can drive people crazy. You have no doubt heard a friend say “I don’t get it! I have been thinking positively and for a very long time about attracting a guy, who loves me completely and takes care of me… so why isn’t he here!” Well that’s not the Law of Attraction. Here is the true Law of Attraction: How I treat myself (and others) is what I get. If I love myself and take care of myself, that is what I will attract. All of the Wise Ones of the world say the same thing, in one way or another.

Three steps to treating yourself well and attracting what you want include:

1. Let go. When you are feeling unhappy, allow the discomfort to be. Allow the feelings to be. Give yourself space. Acknowledge what is happening. Tell the truth. If you try to push those feelings away, if you go numb, and ignore the problem, you will get more of the same. What you resist persists. Appreciate whatever you feel. Grief can be sweet. Anger can be empowering. Welcome your feelings. When you allow yourself to be with what you feel, you realize that you don’t have to do anything. You can just be. In that way you can let go.

2. Give yourself permission. Give yourself permission to do what brings pleasure. Give yourself permission to say no to what feels uncomfortable. We often want to cling on to the old and familiar out of love, loyalty, and wanting to be safe, and wanting to please others. The truth is it makes other people unhappy if we do things just to please them. Things are changing very rapidly now. Now is the time to do something really meaningful with your life. Give yourself permission to do something very good with your life.

3. Bless yourself. Give to yourself those qualities and blessings that you want others to give you. If you want to be respected, cared for, and loved, first of all you must give yourself respect, care and love. No one can give you anything unless and until you first give it to yourself.

Recently, I went to a workshop in which the teacher was very critical toward me. She didn’t like the way I dressed; she accused me of trying to show off. She repeatedly let me know that she had doubts about my abilities. I took her criticism very personally, I believed her every word. I assumed that she, the teacher, was right and I, her student, was obviously wrong. When I tried to do the work, I had no idea how to improve, in spite of (or because of) all her criticism. I felt useless.

When I returned home, at first I felt insecure and discouraged. I wanted to stop doing this type of work because I was so poor at it. I went to a counselor who told me to I stop blaming myself for everything that goes wrong. She helped me realize that I did not have to be so hard on myself. The teacher had a very specific protocol for doing the work. That approach did not always work for me. I was not trying to show off; I wanted to be supportive. I had been abusing myself by accepting all blame, therefore I attracted abuse. Clearly I had not been taking care of myself. My counselor gave me the following statement to read:

Whenever I have uncomfortable feelings from a group of people, or a particular person, supplement, water, place, product, food, I know that I am starting to take bad energy from them.

Whenever I feel uncomfortable with a group of people, or with an individual person, a particular food, supplement, water, place, product, then I will not use or expose myself to that anymore.

I really don’t like to feel uncomfortable. I need to face my fears and discomforts and sometimes I run way—to my detriment. This statement was not giving me permission to avoid my pain, rather it gave me permission to give myself space to notice and decide what is best for me and to stop blaming myself—or anyone else, for that matter.

Recently I noticed that some nuts tasted a little rancid. Before, I would have continued eating—out of poverty consciousness. I stopped eating them, giving myself more prosperity. Also, recently I was really angry at a friend. Before I would have been nicey-nice polite on the outside, livid under the surface. Our time together would have been unpleasant for everyone. I gave myself a break to do personal processing, and when I came back, I enjoyed my time with her.

These statements gave me space; space to look at what was true for me rather than to take on what I thought my teacher wanted me to be and feel. I gave myself permission to feel all my feelings. I gave myself permission to look at what I really wanted. I decided that I had learned what I needed to learn and did not need to take any more classes from her.

With my newfound sense of space, I was able to realize that she was serving as a mirror for me. Whatever I disliked in her was also something within me that I was not willing to see. I, too, was judgmental—toward myself as well as her. I didn’t like her style of clothing, just as she did not like mine. I did not always like her work. I was angry at her for her judgments of me, but I was just as judgmental.

This teacher was giving me the opportunity to see what was hiding within my shadow—the part of me that I do not see. I believed her judgments of me only because I doubted myself first. I wanted her to give me confidence, but only I could give myself that. I wanted her to make me whole. I am whole already; that recognition has to come from me. Therefore I decided to practice experiencing myself as complete and whole. It’s profound. When I treat myself as complete and whole, I can feel a powerful healing take place. With this little paradigm shift, I walk and feel differently. I say yes and no to what life has to offer from a place of wholeness.

By using my experiences to see into my shadow, it is easier for me to let go of bad guy/good guy judgments. I can’t see in someone else something that I don’t already know. If I saw her as judgmental toward me, how can I be gentler with myself? If she did not give me support, what do I need to learn about giving myself support? When I own my shadow, I can experience my true wholeness. I can now bless her and be grateful for what she has taught me. I celebrate her being in my life and showing me where I need to grow. I won’t be going back to her classes, however, she taught me a great deal about self respect and I am grateful for her lessons.

Initially I was afraid that if I gave myself permission to choose to say "yes" or "no" to what is uncomfortable, I would say no to everything and I would be very lonely. The opposite is true. I am not suggesting that it’s OK to run away from your feelings. But sometimes I “run away” by blaming myself, staying busy, and trying to accommodate. Last year I had a job that I really did not like, but I thought that I had to have it to survive. The job has been cut in half this year. I spent a day worrying and crying about it, and then I became quite happy. I thought that I had to work a whole lot in order to live. What I learned was that saying no to what did not work for me, gave me the space to attract what I did want.

I know that in order to be in a relationship with another person, I must first be in a relationship with what is inside me. True abundance is in giving me time and space to celebrate what I am, what I have learned and what I have created. If I stay busy all the time, trying to be sure I have enough, I am living from a place of poverty and fear. I need time to be nurtured by what I have manifested. Giving myself time to relax and to reflect brings me the wealth of enjoying the fruits of my labors. From that place of abundance, my friendships and enjoyment of what life has to offer flourishes.

It is paradoxical. By letting go of what I most wanted (in this case approval) I was able to give it to myself. I attracted what I most wanted by being willing to let it go.

Where in your life are you not getting what you want? Let go of the struggle of fighting against it by being with your sensations and feelings. If you hate your job, feel what that feels like. Give yourself the freedom to say "yes" to what gives you pleasure and "no" to what does not serve you. Look for what gives fills you with joy and gives meaning in your life and invite more of that in your working situation. If you loose a job that you didn’t like, recognize your blessings. Celebrate. Let go of fear. The fear will only hold you back from attracting new opportunities.

Allow the true power of attraction to manifest in your life by giving yourself what you want and deserve. Do this in small ways each day. Embrace what serves you. Now is the time for all of us to find our path.

Take Care of Yourself.  Happy Manifesting!

Sally Herr MA is the owner of New Era Therapies in Portland, Maine. She is a Certified Speech-Language Pathologist, Registered CranioSacral Therapist®, Polarity Practitioner, a Kinesiology Practitioner and Resonance Repatterning® Practitioner. Sally is a Repatterning Practitioners Association board member. For the past 16 years Sally has guided people like you safely and easily into the life of their dreams. Call today for your free 15-minute phone consultation. Start now towards the life you want. Sessions are given in person, or by phone (from the comfort of your home). (207) 879-6007