Dear Asrianna:

My beautiful 32-year-old sister is hooked on prescription drugs and I don’t know what to do about it. We think her husband furnishes her with the drugs but since she won’t admit she has a problem there’s no way to find out.

Alcoholism runs in my family so I’m used to dealing with drunks, but drug addiction doesn’t and I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried to convince her to go into rehab but there’s no money, they don’t have insurance and, frankly, she refuses to go. Is there anything more I can do to help her?

Signed, Sick with Worry

Dear Worry,

One of the hardest aspects of addiction is the helplessness loved ones feel in response to it. The truth, awful as it appears, is that you can’t force your sister to admit she’s a drug addict. Further complicating matters is that she has an active enabler in her life which makes it immeasurably harder to get her to see and recognize her addiction and to seek help.

Have you tried a family intervention facilitated by a trained therapist? Sometimes having your family and friends lovingly confront you with your behavior can work as a wake up call. I’m not saying this will be easy by any means. And if family members are alcoholics, they may refuse to participate in a process that highlights their own addictions.

There are also several programs you can research that can give you necessary information as you strive to help your sister. The U.S. Department of Health and Human Resources along with the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA) has a website at http://ncadi.samhsa.gov/ that is a wealth of information. Or you can go directly to SAMHSA’s site at http://www.samhsa.gov/. Also, look for organizations in her local community—or yours—that can guide you in your search for help.

Narcotics Anonymous is a 12 Step program for drug abusers but, again, would depend upon your sister’s ability to see her own addiction. In addition, Al-Anon—while specifically referring to the family members of alcoholics—can help you to see your pattern or the pattern of others in your family when dealing with your sister’s drug problem.

While others might consider this aiding and abetting an addict, I also believe that being there to love your sister even in the midst of her addiction is crucial. She may not be ready, at this moment, to see her pattern of drug abuse, but hopefully in time she’ll come to see how it negatively impacts her life and the lives of those she loves. When that occurs, you want to be in a position to help her as much as possible. This doesn’t mean you give into her addictive patterns or allow her to manipulate you, it just means that you support her in her efforts to support herself.

Best of wishes in your search.

Signed, Asrianna

Dear Asrianna,

My beautiful dog is sick and I don’t know what to do about it. She’s older and is emaciated even though I give her the best dog food available and try to tempt her with her favorite treats. The veterinarian says she’s just very old and that I should think about putting her down. The thought is just too horrible for me to imagine. Is there some way I can figure out what to do?

Signed, Too Confused

Dear Confused,

For many of us, our dear pets are beloved members of our family, just as much a part of our lives and hearts as any person. When we’re faced with the death of a pet, we can go through the same emotions as when faced with the death of a dearly loved human. We can’t imagine living without our pets and so we can find ourselves avoiding the truth and bargaining with the future. Euthanizing a pet is never an easy step to take and only you can decide what to do to help your dog in her declining state, but thinking about it honestly is the first stage.

Ask yourself what the quality of life is for your dog right now and whether there’s truly a chance for recovery. Is she able to get up and go outside? Is she having problems walking or going out to relieve herself? What does the veterinarian say about your pet’s level of pain and discomfort and about her prognosis? When someone is diagnosed with the illness of ‘old age’—and this includes our pets—there are usually various ailments that fall under that umbrella. Some are more bearable than others.

Watch her move, does she seem reluctant to get up, show by her facial features or behavior that she’s in pain? You know your dog more than anyone else and only you can truly decide when she’s suffering. By taking into consideration your vet's well-learned advice and using your knowledge of your dog, you’re in a better position to make the decision whether to let her continue or whether it’s time to alleviate her suffering.

I’ve met pet owners who have been able to keep their pets with them until the pet naturally dies, the pet’s discomfort minimal. It completely depends upon your pet’s diagnosis and her condition. If you come to the conclusion that her suffering is too great—and to be honest this is about her level of physical and emotional peace and comfort, isn’t it?—then you’ll need to decide how to progress.

When it was time for my precious dog, Andy, to pass away, I was in the position of having our family vet come to our home. While lying on my bed, Andy was draped in his favorite blanket and surrounded by his adoring family, and when the vet administered the drugs that allowed my sweet Andy to peacefully slip away, my dog was held in the midst of love and familiarity. I grieved horribly but I also understood that his last days were terribly uncomfortable and painful, and that letting him go was the most caring decision I could make in the situation.

My heart goes out to you as you make your decision and my prayers are with you and your precious pet.

Signed, Asrianna

Dear Asrianna,

My daughter refuses to wear summer clothes like shorts and swimsuits even though she looks perfectly wonderful in them. I’ve tried to take her shopping for clothes she likes and we always tell her how beautiful she is, but nothing works. Is this normal for a thirteen-year-old?

Signed, At Wit’s End

Dear Wit’s,

Is it normal for a teenage girl to feel self-conscious? Sadly, yes, but refusing to wear seasonally appropriate clothing at all is an extreme reaction. It sounds as though your daughter is exceptionally self-conscious and to get to the root of her feelings requires diligence and sensitivity on your part. Our culture makes it difficult for young girls to feel good about themselves and it’s our place as parents to help them see themselves as worthy and beautiful inside and out.

I’m assuming you’ve done this, but please make sure to ask her why she won’t wear shorts or a bathing suit. Quite often we see the problem but neglect to go directly to the source and gather information. Pay attention to what she’s communicating, show her you respect her opinion and emotions by truly listening to her words, and then try to help her see that everyone feels self-conscious at some point in their lives. Feeling too self-aware is an occasional and normal part of our lives, letting it rule your life is limiting.

Perhaps it’s as simple as buying her outfits that she feels less conspicuous in. It may be that someone at school or that she knows elsewhere has said something hurtful. She may be an extremely sensitive young woman who needs to feel a level of safety in how she physically presents herself. If she likes jeans and summery shirts and feels comfortable wearing them, then let her wear them, perhaps she’ll grow out of her aversion to revealing outfits in time.

If this truly seems to resist all efforts at helping her to feel a healthy sense of self-esteem, then it might be that having her talk to a caring counselor is the best avenue. Poor body image isn’t unusual, but letting it keep you from feeling free enough to dress as you like isn’t the way we want our children to live their lives.

Signed, Asrianna

Asrianna Dameron is a Psychic, a Spiritual Medium, and Certified Hypnotherapist in private practice. She offers individual and group sessions as well as seminars and speaking engagements on the topics of Psychic Development, Mediumship, Hypnosis and Shamanic Healing. Asrianna can be reached at This e-mail address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it , by visiting her websites at www.shamansheart.com or www.nhshamanandpsychicmedium.com, or by calling 603-892-1268.